I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
