Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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