sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
