so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
