Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
