You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
