Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
