i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
