Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
