I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
