i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
