He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
