she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
