I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
