I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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