Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
