At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
