the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
