my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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