My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
