are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
