just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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