i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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