Moan for me like Helen Keller
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
