I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
