Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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