i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
