i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
