ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
