no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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