Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
