yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
