Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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