I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
