Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
