Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
