I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
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You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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