Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
