Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
