You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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