he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
nutella sex= disaster
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
