I think my vagina is haunted
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
