By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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