Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
