you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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