After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
