is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I got inside last night via doggy door
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
