god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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