Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
