Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
