you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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