so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
