I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
