I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
