Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
