Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
