some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
two words...techno handjob
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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