Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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