I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
