She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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