I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
