I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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