is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
