You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
