I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
