Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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