my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
