ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
