This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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