Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
