I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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