So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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