Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
