you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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