Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
