Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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