Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
