Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
